No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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