i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
