Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
