Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
