They have a pepper shaker for pot.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
