Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
