Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
