New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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