This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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