im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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