I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
