everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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