Farmville is her only friend.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
