I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize