got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
