shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
