I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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