just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
