there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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