Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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