What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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