I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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