Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
