I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
