I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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