He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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