So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
