You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
