There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
