Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I want a musical about memes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
