I didn't shave. On purpose
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
