My nipple is on Facebook.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
