Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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