Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize