And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
