an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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