Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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