Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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