He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
