Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
