Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
