Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
