just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
