i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
