I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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