Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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