she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
