Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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