My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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