Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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