I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
