found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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