I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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