I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
