TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
