u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
