hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
