I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
