In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
