Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize