is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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