just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
