i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
