I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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