what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
