I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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