I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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