in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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